Call it paranoia..

Though I have not lived long enough, but still somehow managed to see a miniscule part of this enormous creation and come across a fraction of all beings, but today the focus group is humans though.

As per my observation, one of the classifications of humans can be done as under

1.  Who sees, thinks and acts

2.  Who sees, acts and thinks

3.  Who acts, sees and thinks

4.  Who sees, has a laugh, summarizes and acts (if necessary)

For today it’s the second group who are at gunpoint (I assume myself in the fourth class, “the great holiness of me”). The reason for this choice is their potential explosive attributes which bring out extreme emotions and its just a time bomb with the timer set for an unknown value.

This group though is usually comprised of two kinds of people only:

1.  They are confident enough to take on the world

2.   People with a sense of insecurity with a mindset of having been cornered all through their lives

However, their common trait is the unflinching devotion towards a cause and that being so strong that almost no force is enough to budge that belief.

All hell breaks loose when they jump into battles, not of their making in the first place, just because the or their cause had been criticized or called names, even though that be in jest or any other context irrelevant to them.

The outcome of this trait is groups of people so hell bent on their needs and causes at even the social fabric is endangered. Their behavior is easily contagious and the followers themselves being vectors. Canvassing and rallying for support for some y seem no les than a cry baby’s rant.

For any individual, the problem become up close and personal when you are pointlessly dragged into a forum and told to pick side, either of which you are not interested in. The pressure o choose sides sometimes exceeds a pressure cooker and leaves only a fight or flee situation. The flee here being to choose a side and if not interested remain silent. The fight however means dishing out a negative reply to both sides and remain silent all to their inconvenience. The positive effect of this reaction is hat any future altercation by the same entity will be wary of engaging you in their skirmish.

Now for the target group, I do not despise you or wish you ill for you will either be hated or be loved nothing more, nothing less and nothing in between. It has been for you people that many revolutions reached their fruitful end. But just pause at times, look around, ignore some sparks and yes some pricks are meant for good.

The new age ads and some logic issues

For the consumer-centric industry advertisements are a lifeline, without them maybe many products would have gone unnoticed probably but then again for a crank like me, finding flaws comes inherently that even these don’t go unnoticed. An evening in front of the TV for 45 minutes and this is a minuscule observation in the advertisements.

Everyuth face wash: Nargis Fakhri is shown taking a stroll out in the sun with the setting of a make believe coastal settlement. She clicks for herself a Polaroid and finds a huge coat of dirt almost blackening her.

Sadly for her (or the ad agency) I have seen women being out in the sun for hours (even I have my stretches) but this didn't happen. Rather I remember visiting a industrial furnace where I almost had this scenario though. So either the town is polluted or the director barked up the wrong tree.

Honda Amaze: Their ad of a family getting lost on the way is good and personally I love Honda cars, the problem however lies in the fact that such a feature packed car doesn't have a GPS device? Word of advice: wait till another car maker comes up with a similar engine, and they will prey on this fact.

Old Spice: Yes Old Spice has been there for a very long time and survived successfully, but tell me what has the fragrance of a product got to do with the presenter’s riding the horse backwards?? Still trying to make sense of it.

Deodorants: This is a very big world so some sub categories in place

        Cobra Deo: Emraan Hashmi is escorted by some beautiful ladies who are rather interested in a catwalk than securing the prisoner. Suddenly he takes off to apply deo on his shirt!! Holy moly! but I remember deo cans writing specifically not to apply the spray on clothes.

        Axe Deo: Ladies going ‘bum chika waaw waaw’. Has that something to do with the deos? And none of their ads feature Indians. So either, these ladies not from India are either crazy or sheer dumb? Still trying to figure out.

Suitcase: Gone are the days of the trunk, it’s the time of polymer suitcases and now with wheels. Yes they are light but tell me how is a lighter suitcase going to help if you stuff a trunk-load into it? With difference of just grams between them, this is absurd.

Tang: The ad shows kids in Anna-Kejriwal style putting up their demands before their mothers, fine, they are learning non violence and tantrum behavior is going away. The shocker comes when a mother reveals to her other counterparts that the new Tang has fruit in it. So do I now believe that the older Tang did not have fruits?? Shouldn’t I sue the management now??

Samsung Galaxy Note II: This bloke goes out for lunch and brings in a Samsung Galaxy Note, good thing. The trouble starts when he says he paid zero’ for it and then says it also has a “zero’ EMI and blah blah. But sir, if you paid zero for something why will you pay EMI’s for?? Beats me, either the product is free or it is not.

Horlicks: The grand old supplement has been around more than we have lived and the other day came up with a horrifying ad. They did some research, the result of which proved Horlicks to be beneficial, in which they had divided a group of 569 children into groups of half. I am still doing the math of dividing the group into half.

That’s all for today, will see through more of these ads and yes post your ad observations too.

The fallacy of an exiled Assamese

It has been close to three decades now the liberation of Assam movement by ULFA has been going on. On ideal grounds, yes, their cause seems justified. However, much water has flown down the Brahmaputra and many acts so unjustified and illogical that their whole purpose now has a hollow ring and sad but true, the people for whom he movement was intended for have grown averse.

The major flaw in their demand for a sovereign sate of Assam is, “there is absolutely no strategy for defense post independence”. With so much mineral resources, flora, fauna and fertile plains, Assam is both tactically and economically desirable for any nation in the vicinity. Hypothetically, with Indian armed forces withdrawing and with almost no army and a non existent air force remaining, Assam will be nothing but a sitting duck to be taken over.

Another logic to be seen is will India let go of Assam? No. But more importantly, where do other provinces like Aunachal Pradesh, Manipur, Meghalya, Mizoram, Tripura align themselves with ULFA’s cause. I have my skepticism on this point.

ULFA’s actions over the years have been limited to, geographically, in Assam and against the indigenous people of Assam with lesser known incidents against non-indigenous people. This is peculiar, because in liberation movements you are to attack the enemy and not some suspected informer and almost never your side. LTTE went on have is own navy and air force and here with borrowed guns the battle is virtually lost. Again, these movements are political ones as a fighter you are expected not only to fight but air your voice about the problems plaguing the society of your brethren.

The recent incident of moral policing by Paresh Barua by issuing a diktat, well rather indicates his orthodox outlook with no flexibility or a flawed sense about the public perception regarding culture ad cultural icons. Cultural exchange has almost never been limited by boundaries or orders. And to aggravate the public hostility, you went ahead by threatening Zubeen Garg for his life and this does not do any good to your cause. Whereas your family has been kept exiled by you fearing their lives, you have isolated them from he culture too which is gross, it’s them who are losing their identity.

This piece is not any appeal but a reality check by a citizen of what your actions have gone down to. Take it or leave it…

cooking out of a kettle.

Those were my times at the hostel, he meal a the mess was well  hard to put up and betraying at emergencies. so being brave and hoping to be favored by fortune I took refuge in an electric kettle and well they say he rest is history.

So here's a few of the items cooked up as I recall them. Please note that all meals listed here were dished out keeping in mind the least messing up the kettle.

Tea: Make way for your container of tea leaves and in comes the tea bags.They were my choice for they weren't messy and flavors were available too. Boil your water, mix in the milk, add sugar to taste and dunk the pouch in. Its teatime!!

Instant soup: A little tricky but yes a gratifying appetizer in the cold days. Do not go to read the instructions at the back of the pack, it won’t help. Make a paste of the powder using cold water and let it stand for the time your water boils over. Mix the water to the paste and voila!! Your soup is served…

Noodles: though traditionally the process has been to drop the noodle in the kettle with water and let it boil, I preferred a lesser trodden path. That being the same as that of cooking up the soup.

Eggs: Boiling eggs is child’s play but half boiled ones I am talking about. Boil the water and switch off the kettle, dip in the eggs for 3 minutes and the eggs are ready.

So then, eat healthy, stay fit, keep reading and sharing until next time…

Of politicos and being one

Politicos are meant to conjure pink elephants out of thin air, but with the amount of skeptics in the environs these days even a tad shade than white is dipped in indigo.

So, for my politico/ aspiring politico I hereby proceed to help you frame your pink in red to make it look white! (I have absolutely no idea what’s that supposed to mean)

The basic primer is to have a confident face and never stating the obvious. It always pays to make your audience feel special, your gesture will be appreciated and you will considered more than intelligent and “made for” the post you seek.

You wish to take credit for something you have not done exclusively?? (eg. Autonomous body is working in your area).  In first look you got almost no say in their activity. Now, in their events, drop by at times randomly, feature in their photographs. Homework done? Its brag time now. Say out aloud “we have collaborated with so & so to this and that” no one can counter your claim and well other benefits always remain.

They say money speaks for itself; you want to be a herald for it? Here it goes: Every activity needs finance, in cases of mixed funding, where money comes from multiple sources, you can blurt out a lot without actually shaking up the balance sheets. In an event, usually there is a chance that money will get stuck and will be delivered late, your moment of glory has arrived. Drop in your wallet and brag “see, we want the welfare/success/completion of so & so and hence without batting an eyelid I’ve chipped in in my own humble way. Note: If you care for your monies, make sure that the stuck fund reaches you when unstuck or else you stand to lose a lot.

Once in a while do a KALAM, break protocol for your audience, hug them, mingle in; being a people’s leader pays a lot. Note: Mr. Kalam was never into this act for publicity. Please plan your act only with your security staff to shock even your secretary and save your “you-know-what”

Since the enemy of friend is your enemy, it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t praise them, in all that bed of thorns you put up drop in some roses, acts as an effective repellent. Please see that the roses are far fetched though…

Homework: Keep a database of lies escaping out of your lips and never ever repeat them. Why this advice you ask? There is a huge possibility the lie you said has been realized.

Last but not the least, do some real work too and it is a basic need. If dormancy is your skill y neither doing the right nor doing the wrong you, my friend, are doomed. Rather do the work; if gone awry, apologize and make right and if fortune favors you to get the right equation, the brag’s all yours.

Let me know your plans…

of intersections and zebra crossings...

Tell me my reader you have always heard or known about that entity called a Zebra Crossing. Now as you stand aware of this term, it is usually to be found at intersections where, being forced by the law, you have to make a halt before proceeding except for your open side. I feel for you, for that excruciatingly annoying experience and afterall "who's got time to spare" and so, to heck with it all let us pull up right to the edge of the intersection so that, when the time is right no moment is lost.

So, now my friend i get my hands dirty again and only in your service i do so...

Now, what happens in our quest to gain time, we gain, Pause for effect, ABUSES. For the question 'why?' cropping out into your inquisitive and highly efficient brains, the answer is simple, For blocking the road. Goodness me! did I just accuse you of a crime you haven't committed? Yes i did.

Focus your attention to this picture above, what you see is a figurative approach to the daily intersection. If you assume a position of the two advanced triangles beyond the zebra crossings, well you are guilty as charged. You block the motorists' way as well that of pedestrians and in the process risk your life and property too.

Now the fun part, have you ever noticed that taking a turn is the best simulation of a joyride you can have at home err vehicle? So stand back, behind the stripes, and zoom on your way either taking a huge turn or doing a drag while going straight. Life has its share of punctuality  but why kill the fun,enjoy these small pleasures, smile, be happy and stay healthy, until next time...

of breaking news and exclusive coverages

      Open a news channel and it is commonplace to see flashes of  "Breaking News"  or "Exclusive Coverage" n then the anchor proceeding o dish out repeated lines of the incident describing the position of e cameraman and quoting the obvious for his presumed dim witted viewers and pushing his correspondent to question harangued victims things which are irrelevant.

      6 to 12 hours into the incident, you will have known by the real time expert analysis of the situation regardless of  the expert's expertise. To add to your brain cells, you will also have added the astrological point in the incident followed by the future repercussions and past instances regarding the incident. had you been patient enough, all similar past incidents, and even the perpetrators of he crime will have been identified and you the viewer will have all the lines etched into your mind.

now with all arms laid out, i arrive at my discourse...

      Pick up any socially active person concerned about the state of the nation ad its people, his view on public memory will be, the people tend to forget very easily they compromise...

      Wondering one day listening to a new anchor airing the same view i started thinking about the truth of the statement and in a way it made sense. This made me ponder over he next question "why is it so?" So the past  month all i did was open news channels at random and see what they report or rather how they do it. The observation  its the first two paragraphs of this write up, followed by a group discussion of limited time involving people from various fields and load of free time or deputed by their group clamoring at each other ad making words flow as if there is no limit of idiocracy the viewer can bear.

      Human nature is getting used to a rhythm. News media provide for that by shelling out explosive headlines which we get used to. And for any soul still getting worked up, the extensive analysis and pinning down on criminals in a matter of hours give him a sense of satisfaction that the criminals have been identified ad now just catch them and make them face trial.

      Remembrance is always attached to unfulfilled needs, in case of news your all needs are fulfilled so why remember more of it.

      Gone are the good old days of  print media where exclusive coverage of a news took days at a stretch and hence remained longer in the public memory...